return my video game
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
