He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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