Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
