I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
