I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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