I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This toilet bowl is my home.
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