Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
