why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
