there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
