My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
