Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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