Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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