Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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