Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
