i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
