PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
