dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
