just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
