i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
