Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
