God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
