Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
