I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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