Betty ford says i'm here all night
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
