I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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