you traded sex for a burrito?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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