I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Boobs speak an international language.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
