She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
