Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize