she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
