Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
