Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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