I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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