but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
