I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
did i just pee glitter
how drunk are you?
Several
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize