god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize