he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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