Only a mothe r could love this liver
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
