I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
