i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
