Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
