dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
