I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
