i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
