Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
