Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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