I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
