goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
