Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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