She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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