What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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