I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
