It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
