I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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