walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
