How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I think my fart just growled at me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
