I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
