rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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