DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
