She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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