dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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