I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
