I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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