dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I supernannyed him into submission
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
