I must be too annoying 4 u.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize