oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
