they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
