i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
